The Joys of Teaching English

Despite my recent spree of near blogflops, I've decided to post yet again this month. 

The summer quarter at the community college where I teach is coming to an end, which means I am in the midst of a grading frenzy. While correcting some final exams, I came across this ironic sentence, written by a student:

"Run-ons are one of the easiest grammar mistakes you can make, all you need to do is forget one comma or any other punctuation and you will be screwed."

The irony of it cracks me up every time I read it. Sentences like this one ease the pain of a teacher's salary. 

Civil War Reenactors: Living the Low-Tech Life

One year ago, a gray-bearded reenactor approached me at an Civil War encampment and told me that I needed to take up reenacting because it "is the most fun you can have with your clothes on." I'm not entirely sure if that is true, but I think I understand where he is coming from. In a very admirable way, reenactors set aside the high-tech world of today and embrace--for a weekend at a time--the low-tech world of the 1860s.  True, what they do is eerily like what my daughters do when they play "dress-up"--substituting rifles and muskets for princess wands, of course--but they do it with zeal and sincerity.  No shame in that.

This past weekend I went to the annual Civil War encampment at Caesar Creek State Park in Warren County, Ohio. Encampments like this one bring together all types of people: curious suburbanites, country folks, history buffs, and even pseudo-medievalists (or those who go by names like "Beorynth" and believe Middle-Earth is a real place). And, in many ways, not much happens. Visitors tend to mill around the campsites, gawk at reenactors, snap photographs, and ask questions. Some reenactors talk your ear off, while others seem content to sit by the campfire and ignore you. This year, a younger reenactor approached me and wanted to talk modern baseball. He also wanted to smoke an 1860s style cigar and blow smoke in my face. We didn't talk very long. 

The trip had two highlights. The first one occurred when I was getting my photograph taken with a Robert E. Lee interpreter, and nearly got trampled by his horse. Alas, I didn't get seriously injured. I mean, it would have been cool to have been injured by both Robert E. Lee's horse and Stonewall Jackson's grave site in the same year. But, unfortunately, Traveller left no hoof-print on my back. 

The second highlight, of course, was the staged battle. Apparently, at this encampment, the reenactors take turns winning. This time around, the Rebels won the day. Had they been firing real ammunition, the results might have been different. The heavy-set fellow leading the Confederate charge, for example, likely would have been hit long before the skinny guy next to him. There also might have been a little more blood. Details. Details. Details. 

Throughout the day, I heard several reenactors talk about the importance of preserving history through reenactment. For them, performances of the past act as alternatives to the textbook. I'm not entirely convinced of the merits of this method, though. Unfortunately, many of them are caught up in the mythos of the Civil War. After the battle, for example, one Confederate reenactor approached the audience and gave an impromptu speech about the war in which he claimed that "no side was right, no side was wrong." He even went so far as to claim that no one won the war, which seemed fairly debatable to me. From my perspective, any fight that involves a side that seeks to destroy a nation and preserve a system of bondage has a wrong side. But that's just me. 

Despite their tendency to mythologize irresponsibly, I do admire Civil War reenactors and their desire to preserve the past in a participatory and low-tech way. As my 9/11 post argues, the past is full of lessons that we need to learn. Some of the most important lessons we have from our nation's past come from the Civil War era, and we need people who are willing to remind us of those lessons. Some reenactors, of course, are not the best teachers, but what they do has the potential to inspire others to look into the past and learn. For this reason, I hope Civil War reenactors keep up their weekend games of "dress-up." I mean, it is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.  

No Country For Old Men: A Recommendation

I've been in a reading slump ever since I finished Stephanie Meyer's premiere vampire melodrama, Twilight. Of course, I assume the slump came as punishment for reading that novel against my better literary judgement. As a form of repentance, I picked up Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men. I finished the novel on Monday and I already feel my self-respect returning.

While No Country For Old Men is hardly McCarthy at his literary best, it is still a very good novel. In fact, I like that this novel is more accessible (that's a lit professor term for "easier") than some of McCarthy's earlier works. Unlike Blood Meridian, for example, No Country For Old Men doesn't settle in to an easy pace. Rather, it runs non-stop from start to finish. Indeed, with this novel, McCarthy gives lay readers the chance to experience how a master wordsmith writes a page-turner. Think of it as a novel by Harlan Coben's smarter older brother.

Today, violence and gore seem ever-present in art and entertainment. Like other McCarthy novels, No Country For Old Men is a bloodbath. Yet, unlike so many other works of violent art, this novel avoids exploiting and sensationalizing violence. If anything, it is a 309 page lament for a society gone sick with violence, selfishness, and greed. 

No Country For Old Men won't brighten your day, but it also won't bring you down to utter despair. After all, at its heart is a character most of us can identify with: an aging sheriff whose seemingly innate goodness works to stem the downward spiral of society. His presence in the novel is important, if only to serve as a reminder of what society could be if we all looked beyond our own selfish interests. As the novel's title suggests, though, the sheriff's kind is a dying breed. 

Update On What I Saw Out My Window

Here's an update on what happened near us yesterday. After dinner, I got up to do the dishes only to see this apartment buiding surrounded by emergency vehicles. Oddly enough, we didn't hear any of them arrive. We learned what happened from a neighbor.

Police: Man shot at Fairfield apartment

Officers investigating second apartment shooting in as many nights.

By Richard Wilson

Staff Writer

Saturday, September 13, 2008

FAIRFIELD — A man shot at a Fairfield apartment complex was not conscious when he was flown by medical helicopter to the hospital Friday night, police said.

Police and emergency crews responded at around 5:55 p.m. Friday, Sept. 12, following a report of a shooting inside a unit at the apartment complex, said Fairfield police Sgt. Don Garrett.

Officers arrived at the scene and found a black male suffering from a gunshot wound, Garrett said. He was flown by Air Care medical helicopter to University Hospital in Cincinnati.

Police initially reported the male shot was a juvenile, but later Friday said the victim was an adult, but would not release his name, age and extent of his injuries. However, Garrett said he was unconcious when he was being treated at the scene.

The apartment building in which the shooting apparently took place was cordoned off by police caution tape late Friday night. A neighbor said she saw one man exit the building in a hurry and leave the scene with three other men in a green van before officers arrived.

Garrett said the shooting remains under investigation and did not release any other details.

Fairfield police also are investigating a shooting incident that occurred the previous night at the Heritage Glen apartment complex, located on Brookfield Drive about two miles north of Friday night's shooting.

At around 7 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 10, police responded to an assault where shots were fired at Heritage Glen. One man was treated for unknown injuries at Mercy Hospital, but police said he had not been shot. No suspects were arrested in the incident, police said.

According to Sgt. Jeff Sprague, the two incidents appear unrelated.

What I Saw Out My Window Today

Fairfield police investigating teen's shooting

By Richard Wilson

Staff Writer

Friday, September 12, 2008

FAIRFIELD — A teenager was shot at a Fairfield apartment complex and was not conscious when flown by medical helicopter to the hospital Friday night, police said.

Police and emergency crews responded at around 6:20 p.m. Friday, Sept. 12, following a report of a shooting at the apartment complex, said Fairfield police Sgt. Don Garrett.

Officers arrived at the scene and found a black male juvenile suffering from a gunshot wound, Garrett said. The juvenile was flown by Air Care medical helicopter to University Hospital in Cincinnati. The boy's name was not released and his condition was unknown, but Garrett said the boy was unconscious when being treated at the scene.

Fairfield detectives were at the scene investigating the incident.

For more on this issue, keep your browser here.

Contact this reporter at (513) 820-2122 or rwilson@coxohio.com.

 

9/11 Revisited: Generations of Forgetting

Yesterday, I had a hard time talking with my English students about the legacy of the September 11 terrorist attacks--although not because of the difficult nature of the subject matter. All but four of them had been in the sixth grade when the attacks occurred. Only a few of them had distinct memories of the day, and fewer still remembered how easy it used to be to board an airplane. 

Sadly, this lack of personal insight into the 9/11 tragedy will become increasingly more common in high school and college freshman classrooms. Seven years ago, the national mantra became "We Shall Never Forget!" In many ways, forgetting has not been an issue for those who witnessed the terrorist attacks in real life or on television. In fact, most people who were old enough to realize what was going on in New York City and Washington seven years ago can tell you where they were and how they felt when they learned of the towers being hit. Such is not the case, though, for the rising generation, who have little or no memory of 9/11/2001. Unfortunately, they will never forget only because they have nothing to forget.

The old cliche is that history repeats itself. In reality, history follows no pre-established pattern.

Rather, generations of human society memorialize, politicize, commercialize, and sanitize the lessons they learn from times of crisis and tragedy...so that the rising generation can either misinterpret them (think Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor) or forget them altogether. 

Once, when I was in elementary school, I watched as a neighborhood girl pretended that a rivet on the inner wall of the school bus was a hidden Soviet camera. She kept yelling, "Dirty Russian! Unlike you, I can BELIEVE IN GOD!!!" I was born in 1980, and while I have this hint of a Cold War memory, I can't say I carry with me any of the important lessons of the Cold War era. My daughters, similarly, were both born after 9/11/2001. They will grow up in a world largely affected by the events of that day, but increasingly ignorant of its lessons. 

So, it is possible to argue that every generation is affected by at least two tragedies: the one it forgets, and the one it experiences because of its forgetfulness. 

Proto-Lohan and the Killer Ostriches: A Review

12,008 years ago, a band of marauding horsemen upset an insecure cave man when they kidnapped his girlfriend, the first Lindsey Lohan look-alike in unrecorded history. So argues, at least,  the recent film 10,000 BC, which has the distinction of being the first prehistoric epic since Ice Age 2: The Meltdown.

I don't know much about prehistoric times, but something about the dramatic story of D'Leh (the insecure caveman) and proto-Lohan seems historically fishy. 10,000 BC was a long time ago, and I can only imagine that specific details of that era are sketchy at best. Likely, this film is just another excuse for director Roland Emmerich (Stargate, Independence Day, and--let's not forget--Godzilla) to work some more of his CGI magic. While 10,000 BC boasts neither a compelling plot nor quality acting,  it showcases enough photo-realistic mammoths, saber-tooth tigers, and killer ostriches to keep its audience entertained for 109 minutes. And believe me, folks: You have not lived until you've seen a killer ostrich tear through a band of marauding horsemen. 

Of course, audiences do not go to a movie like 10,000 BC for its compelling plot and quality acting. They go for its action, adventure, special effects, and leather-clad cast of models-turned-actors.  In this respect, 10,000 BC delivers up to a point. I would have liked to have seen more saber-tooth tigers in action, for example. I also kept hoping--just for laughs, of course--that the Lindsey Lohan look-alike would check herself into prehistoric rehab. 

Ultimately, 10,000 BC is is neither the worst movie ever made, nor the best. If you have a spare 109 minutes (as well as a desire to see killer ostriches in action), you might as well check it out. It isn't a complete waste of time--in the way that, say, Titanic is--but it occasionally comes really close. 

One more thing! 10,000 BC has a "twist" ending that sets a new standard for cowardly filmmaking. If I were a betting man--which I'm not, by the way--I'd be willing to bet at least five bucks that the ending was re-written by a test-audience. 

Just sayin'. 

  

Ish-ish and the American Teenager

Over the past couple of years, the American Teenager has seized upon the suffix -ish and transformed it into the most undeniably original piece of slang since the "NOT!" of the early 1990s. Here is a brief sampling of what I mean:

Father: Hello, son. How was school?

Son: Good (noticeable pause) ish.

Father: Glad to hear it! Where's your mother?

Son: Outside (noticeable pause) ish.

Father: Where outside?

Son: I don't know. In the backyard (noticeable pause) ish.

You get the idea.  

Teenagers enjoy modifying what they perceive as the language of the establishment.  When I was a teenager, for example, I tried unsuccessfully to introduce the phrase "crap it" into everyday conversation. No one really knows, of course, why teenagers feel the need to modify a language that already has too many words and rules. The whole matter is beyond my poor power to reason.

Of course, some might argue that the American Teenager speaks Ish-ish" whenever he or she wants to seem coolly noncommittal or indecisive. Others might argue that their fluency in Ish-ish is a reflection of their collective fear of making certain decisions in such uncertain times. Personally, I'm not sure I buy any of these arguments. When I was a teenager, I used such phrases as "NOT!," "crap it," and the ever-monotonous "whatever" just to irritate my parents. I have a feeling that the popularity of Ish-ish stems from some similar desire.

The good news, of course, is that adults are beginning to use Ish-ish more often--and we all know that adult appropriation always marks the beginning of the end for the latest trends in American Teenager Slang. I mean, just remember the twinge of embarrassment you felt when your father first used the word "groovy" or "radical" around you. And don't forget the emptiness you felt in your soul when your mother first said something was "the bomb."  

So, adults, do the American language a favor and start speaking Ish-ish around your teenagers. There is still hope. If we begin now,  chances are Ish-ish will be wiped out by Christmas...or, at the latest, New Years (noticeable pause) ish.