Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ballistics Misfiring: A Review

Billy Collins was the first contemporary poet I became familiar with when I began to take English studies seriously. His collection Picnic, Lightning was all the rage at BYU-Idaho in the Fall of 2001, and I still have a great deal of nostalgia for that volume of poetry.

At that time, 2001, Collins was the U.S. Poet Laureate. He was also undergoing a change of publishers—from the smaller University of Pittsburg Press to the much (much) larger Random House. His first book under the new publisher was Sailing Around the Room, which was something of a greatest hits collection and showcased very little of anything new. His next two books, however, were all original poems—yet for me to use the word “original” would be a kindly gesture. Neither Nine Horses nor The Trouble With Poetry and Other Poems showcased half the originality of Picnic, Lightning or The Apple that Astonished Paris, another of Collins’ earlier books. I found the poems in these newer collections to be annoyingly self-conscious and dull. Collins, it seemed, had lost his clever muse during his move to Random House.

Recently, I finished reading his newest collection of poems, Ballistics. Admittedly, I began reading this book fully expecting it to be a complete waste of time. Fortunately, Ballistics lived up to my expectations. Collins’ most recent poems are a mess of self-absorbed musings, unoriginal observations, pointless allusions to Chinese poets (real and imaginary), and—of course—the same bland Collins imagery. In short, it sucked. Ballistics brings absolutely nothing new to the table to poetry. The title poem, in fact, like the title poem in The Trouble with Poetry, is nothing more than yet another Collins poem about how much he hates contemporary poets and poetry. Excuse me while I yawn.

To be fair, Ballistics contains a few good poems. Unfortunately, while these poems are “good,” they are not very memorable. In fact, I’m having a hard time remembering—even with the aid of the table of contents—which of them I liked. There is one poem, however, that is so idiotic that it caused me to close the book and smack it against my forehead three or four times. Here is an excerpt from the poem, entitled “Despair”:

Today, with the sun blazing in the trees,
my thoughts turn to the great
tenth-century celebrator of experience,

Wa-Hoo, whose delight in the smallest things
could hardly be restrained,
and to his joyous counterpart in the western provinces, Ye-Hah.


See what I mean? Idiotic. I think Billy has finally sold his artistic soul to success.

Well, in honor of the crappiness that is Ballistics, I here reprint Percy Bysshe Shelley's "To Wordsworth"--a poem written to another great poet who sold out to the Man (and his money).

Enjoy.

To Wordsworth

Poet of Nature, thou hast wept to know
That things depart which never may return:
Childhood and youth, friendship, and love's first glow,
Have fled like sweet dreams, leaving thee to mourn.
These common woes I feel. One loss is mine
Which thou too feel'st, yet I alone deplore.
Thou wert as a lone star whose light did shine
On some frail bark in winter's midnight roar:
Thou hast like to a rock-built refuge stood
Above the blind and battling multitude:
In honoured poverty thy voice did weave
Songs consecrate to truth and liberty.
Deserting these, thou leavest me to grieve,
Thus having been, that thou shouldst cease to be.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Two Poems About Death

Here are two poems I wrote yesterday. Death has recently begun stalking my English classes. In the past month four of my students have claimed to have had deaths in the family. Frankly, I find it a bit odd--so odd, in fact, that I'm beginning to find it all rather amusing. Does that make me a bad person? I can't say. What I can say, though, is that any relative of any of my students ought to be on his or her guard. Apparently I am bad luck.

The poems:

Another Excuse

Forgive me
if my sympathy
is running dry—

your’s
is the fourth death
this term.

My eternal
condolences.


A Teacher to His Absent Student

I can imagine you
sitting in some church
in central Kentucky

your dead grandmother
stretched out beside
the pulpit

her wrinkled face
only slightly more waxy
than it had been

in life.
Tell me, student,
what is it like

to look into
the grim grinning
face of death

and know,
bereaved, that you
have missed

my class?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Springsteen Cranks Out Another: "Working on a Dream"


This just in from Bruce and the gang:

Bruce Springsteen's new album "Working on a Dream" has been set for a January 27 release on Columbia Records. "Working on a Dream" was recorded with the E Street Band and features twelve new Springsteen compositions plus two bonus tracks. It is the fourth collaboration between Springsteen and Brendan O'Brien, who produced and mixed the album."Working on a Dream"

Song Titles:
1. Outlaw Pete
2. My Lucky Day
3. Working on a Dream
4. Queen of the Supermarket
5. What Love Can Do
6. This Life
7. Good Eye
8. Tomorrow Never Knows
9. Life Itself
10. Kingdom of Days
11. Surprise, Surprise
12. The Last Carnival

Bonus tracks:
The Wrestler
A Night with the Jersey Devil

Bruce Springsteen said, "Towards the end of recording 'Magic,' excited by the return to pop production sounds, I continued writing. When my friend producer Brendan O'Brien heard the new songs, he said, 'Let's keep going.' Over the course of the next year, that's just what we did, recording with the E Street Band during the breaks on last year's tour. I hope 'Working on a Dream' has caught the energy of the band fresh off the road from some of the most exciting shows we've ever done. All the songs were written quickly, we usually used one of our first few takes, and we all had a blast making this one from beginning to end."

"Working on a Dream" is Bruce Springsteen's twenty-fourth album and was recorded and mixed at Southern Tracks in Atlanta, GA with additional recording in New York City, Los Angeles, and New Jersey.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Best Line Ever

I read this in a student's essay today:

"The Constitution contains several laws, guidelines and amendments, but one of the most debated and controversial is the second amendment, the right to bear arms. When I say the right to bear arms I'm not talking about the upper extremities [of] a grizzly or polar bear, I am talking about the right to own firearms."

Even the blatant comma splice couldn't wipe the smile from my face. 
 

Friday, October 31, 2008

Are Men Allowed to get Tagged?

My blog was recently tagged by my sister-in-law Adrienne. I'm not exactly sure what it means to have your blog "tagged," but from what I can tell it is kind of like being picked early to play dodge ball on the popular kids' team. As one who was usually picked last in gym class, I feel I should take my current "tagged" status as a good thing. However, I can't help but notice that a majority of those who play this game of blogtag are women. Does that mean that I have been picked last? In other words, now that all of the cool bloggerkids--i.e. the women--have been "tagged," are blogtaggers now turning to the dorks--i.e. menbloggers--as a last resort? I think so.

Which brings me to my next question: Are men even allowed to be tagged? Personally, I am already feeling that if I even humor my sister-in-law's request to share my "unspectacular" quirks," the very threads that bind the universe together will be compromised. I can't have the end of the universe on my conscience. After all, one of my biggest quirks is that I have an

IRRATIONALLY GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
For example, I sometimes feel that I have to eat every last particle of food on my plate. I don't feel this way, however, because I sympathize for those in Africa who go without food. Rather, I eat every last particle because I do not want to be the one responsible for preventing them (i,e, the food particles) from fulfilling the full measure of their creation. I mean, how would you feel if you were a grain of rice who waited all of your tiny rice life to be eaten, only to be tossed down the food disposal like some piece of stagnant leftover?

Well, now that I'm in the process of unlacing the universe, I might as well reveal my other quirks. Of course, my wife tells me that everything I do is a quirk. What might make a better post is a listing of everything I do that is normal.

Anyway, here is the rest of my list:

I CANNOT FINISH A JUG OF MILK.
Something about the last half cup of milk at the bottom of the milk jug disgusts me. I'd rather go without milk than drink the nasty stuff. Fortunately, Sarah is kind enough to drink it for me.

I READ SIGNS OUT LOUD WHILE I DRIVE
Whenever I am driving down the road, I catch myself reading aloud words and phrases from road signs and billboards--any kind of signage that lines the road. I started doing this on my mission as a way to practice reading Portuguese. Now I do it out of habit.

WHENEVER I CLIMB STEPS, I MENTALLY RECITE MY VOWELS
When I was a kid, I thought that I could climb steps faster if I recited my vowels at the same time. It turns out, however, that there is no connection between vowel recitation and step-climbing speed. Nevertheless, I still mentally recite my vowels whenever I climb steps.

I REMOVE THE DUST JACKET OF A BOOK BEFORE I READ IT
I don't think this is a quirk, but my wife says it is. I believe, however, that removing the dust jacket of a hard-bound book before reading it is not only common sense, it is normal.

I WALK AROUND WHEN I BRUSH MY TEETH
I can't brush my teeth and stand still, so I tend to stroll around the apartment while I brush. Apparently, I also pace around in circles for five minutes after I come home from work. I'm not sure how that is connected, though.

Well, it seems as if I have satisfied the demands of the tagging. I'm also supposed to tag more people, but since I was the last kid picked, I guess I don't have to. Shucks.

Also, I know I'm supposed to post the rules, but I figure you probably know them already.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

An Epidemic of Excuses and No Dogs in Sight

Something must be going around the Cincinnati area. I've heard more excuses this past week from my students than ever before. It seems as if car accidents, car troubles, family deaths and sicknesses, hospitalizations, and computer crashes are following my students wherever they go. I am beginning to think that it is not safe to have me as a teacher.

Also, it was recently pointed out to me that dogs are no longer eating homework. Students today have a brand new dog: the flash drive! If they show up to class without their homework now, they simply state that the flash drive containing their work went through the wash, got smashed in their backpack, or (somehow) got pregnant.

What cracks me up most, though, about excuses is the presentation. Some students offer up an excuse and immediately you know its the only one in their repertoire--it comes out that easy, like an animal instinct. Other students take five to ten minutes to make their excuse. Usually, their excuses are prefaced with "I know this sounds like an excuse, but..." and concluded with a unsolicited recitation of their long (long) history of scholastic responsibility.

Of course, the worst kind of excuses are those that try to appeal to a teacher's sense of pity. These excuses are the classic sob stories, and they usually are made by the worst of student actors. It is no exaggeration to state that students who attempt the appeal to pity make soap opera actors and actresses look like true artists.

Anyway, the week isn't over and I expect a handful of excuses to come my way in the next twenty-four hours. If I hear a really good one, I'll pass it along.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

One More for The Road: A Review

So far I've been reluctant to recommend a Cormac McCarthy novel to anyone wary of literary novels or violence. Well, that's changed. I recently finished The Road, his Pulitzer Prize winning 2006 novel about a father and son's struggle to survive after Earth has been largely destroyed by some unnamed disaster. I highly recommend this novel for any interested reader. Don't be put off by the fact that Oprah endorses it. Even she can't be wrong all of the time. 

In many ways, The Road is unlike any other McCarthy novel. It doesn't have a lot of violence, and when it does it isn't particularly gratuitous. Mostly, this novel just sets the reader on edge. You feel fear for the two main characters, who are travelling south for the winter through a territory overrun by band of cannibalistic marauders. Every time they investigate an abandoned home or opened a strange door, you wonder if it will be for the last time. 

My only problem with this novel was the ending. I wasn't sure I liked it at first--probably because it did not unfold the way I though it would. It is neither as violent as Blood Meridian nor as anticlimactic as No Country for Old Men. In fact, the ending is actually kind of inspiring. 

That's doesn't mean it has a happy ending, of course. That would have made the novel worthless. But it is the kind of ending that doesn't make you hate the world after you finish reading it. 

So, I'm still not sure if I like the ending of The Road. I wonder, for example, if McCarthy could have made his points more emphaticallyt if he had made the novel a full-fledged tragedy (catharsis and all). Ultimately, you'll have to form your own opinion of it. The more I think about the novel as a whole, though, the more I like it. 

But, as LeVar Burton would say, you don't have to take my word for it.