Once upon a time, I never knew what to say to someone who had royally insulted me. Some stupid bully would shove me in the library and say, "Hey, kid, where'd'you get those shoes? The free-store?" and I would just stare dumbly at the floor as everyone laughed at me for taking it like a sucker.
Many of you probably still have this problem.
Fortunately, I found a way out of this embarrassing situation: Generic Come-backs! That's right, folks! These zinger's can really put the Biffs, Mutts, and Lunkheads of the world in their proper place. Try them out. They're like the "sure-fire passion-stoppers" you learned about in Church Standards Nights...but different.
Here they are:
1. Show's how much you know. (This is my personal favorite...works every time)
2. That has to be the most ordinary thing I've heard all day.
3. Say's you.
4. That's funny! My little brother watches that cartoon, too!
5. Did your grandma teach you that one, chump?
6. I'd say I'm rubber and you're glue...but I want to speak on your level.
7. Poor soul. Too bad you're mother never loved you.
8. If you wanted to insult me, why didn't you make fun of my nose?
9. That would have made sense if you'd used real words!
10. That would have hurt if you didn't have so many zits.
12. Where've I heard that before?
13. Ha! That's what the garbage man used to tell my dad!
14. Excuse me, would you like a breath mint?
15. I never told you I know karate, did I?
16. You're lucky my fist still hurts from the last kid I beat up!
18. Why don't you pop that zit between your shoulders and make everyone's day.
19. Have you ever considered professional help.
20. Says your face!
21. Says your grandma!
22. Says your baby sister!
23. Says your girlfriend! (or boyfriend, if the case may be)
24. Good thing you're still in school.
25. Why don't you do the world a favor and give yourself a wedgie?
26. That toilet water must be getting to you.
27. What? Are you asking for a swirly?
28. That would have been funny if someone else had said it.
29. Saucy! Saucy! Saucy!
30. Excuse me for living!
31. That was so stupid. Try again.
32. Do you want a gold star for that one, champ?
33. That was so lame! I mean L-A-M-E with a capital exclamation point!
34. Hmm. Interesting theory.
35. How quaint.
36. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
37. Thanks for that self-esteem boost. Would you like to help me write my suicide note?
38. Thanks, Dr. Phil. I needed that.
39. Thanks, dummy. I'll be sure to pass that one along.
40. I hope that was worth the effort.
41. Would you like a tip?
42. Nope. Not good enough. Try it with a little more expression next time.
43. I can't believe you thought that would work. Crap like that never works!
44. Sorry. I'll try my best to please you next time, master.
45. Next time, just use your fist.
46. That's so lame it needs crutches.
47. My toenail's sharper that that put-down!
48. Thanks for the editorial comment. You've got real talent.
49. Remarkable. Really. Fascinating observation, Holmes.
50. Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! (heh heh) HAAAAAA!
I hope these have helped. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.