My blog was recently tagged by my sister-in-law Adrienne. I'm not exactly sure what it means to have your blog "tagged," but from what I can tell it is kind of like being picked early to play dodge ball on the popular kids' team. As one who was usually picked last in gym class, I feel I should take my current "tagged" status as a good thing. However, I can't help but notice that a majority of those who play this game of blogtag are women. Does that mean that I have been picked last? In other words, now that all of the cool bloggerkids--i.e. the women--have been "tagged," are blogtaggers now turning to the dorks--i.e. menbloggers--as a last resort? I think so.
Which brings me to my next question: Are men even allowed to be tagged? Personally, I am already feeling that if I even humor my sister-in-law's request to share my "unspectacular" quirks," the very threads that bind the universe together will be compromised. I can't have the end of the universe on my conscience. After all, one of my biggest quirks is that I have an
IRRATIONALLY GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
For example, I sometimes feel that I have to eat every last particle of food on my plate. I don't feel this way, however, because I sympathize for those in Africa who go without food. Rather, I eat every last particle because I do not want to be the one responsible for preventing them (i,e, the food particles) from fulfilling the full measure of their creation. I mean, how would you feel if you were a grain of rice who waited all of your tiny rice life to be eaten, only to be tossed down the food disposal like some piece of stagnant leftover?
Well, now that I'm in the process of unlacing the universe, I might as well reveal my other quirks. Of course, my wife tells me that everything I do is a quirk. What might make a better post is a listing of everything I do that is normal.
Anyway, here is the rest of my list:
I CANNOT FINISH A JUG OF MILK.
Something about the last half cup of milk at the bottom of the milk jug disgusts me. I'd rather go without milk than drink the nasty stuff. Fortunately, Sarah is kind enough to drink it for me.
I READ SIGNS OUT LOUD WHILE I DRIVE
Whenever I am driving down the road, I catch myself reading aloud words and phrases from road signs and billboards--any kind of signage that lines the road. I started doing this on my mission as a way to practice reading Portuguese. Now I do it out of habit.
WHENEVER I CLIMB STEPS, I MENTALLY RECITE MY VOWELS
When I was a kid, I thought that I could climb steps faster if I recited my vowels at the same time. It turns out, however, that there is no connection between vowel recitation and step-climbing speed. Nevertheless, I still mentally recite my vowels whenever I climb steps.
I REMOVE THE DUST JACKET OF A BOOK BEFORE I READ IT
I don't think this is a quirk, but my wife says it is. I believe, however, that removing the dust jacket of a hard-bound book before reading it is not only common sense, it is normal.
I WALK AROUND WHEN I BRUSH MY TEETH
I can't brush my teeth and stand still, so I tend to stroll around the apartment while I brush. Apparently, I also pace around in circles for five minutes after I come home from work. I'm not sure how that is connected, though.
Well, it seems as if I have satisfied the demands of the tagging. I'm also supposed to tag more people, but since I was the last kid picked, I guess I don't have to. Shucks.
Also, I know I'm supposed to post the rules, but I figure you probably know them already.