Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: A Review

One of my earliest movie memories is watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with my brother. Our favorite part of the movie came at the very end, when the bad guys opened the Ark and had their faces melted off (or, in the case of Belloq, blown off) by the power of God. I remember distinctly watching the exploding head over and over in slow motion (ah! the magic of the VCR) because my brother claimed you could see an eyeball fly off camera if you looked hard enough. Great movie. Yea, perhaps even one of the greatest ever made.

I also remember watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom as a kid. My favorite part was the frozen monkey brains. Of course, Temple of Doom is no Raiders. Critics and fans alike have given it a lot of grief for not being Raiders. This is unfortunate. Temple of Doom deserves to be recognized as a great addition to the Indiana Jones saga. It also contains the best opening of Indiana Jones movie. Indy's fight at the Club Obi Wan is iconic.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was my favorite movie for a long time. I can still repeat most of it from heart ("I don't like fast women!" "And I hate arrogant men!"). For most of my fourth grade year, I carried around a home-made Grail Diary in my pocket. While it has occasionally been criticized (not unjustly) for trying to be Raiders of the Lost Ark, Last Crusade brings a lot emotionally to the Indiana Jones table. We learn more about Indy's past, for example, and his troubled relationship with his father. We also learn that Indy's real name is Henry.

Generic Come-backs...That Really Work!

Once upon a time, I never knew what to say to someone who had royally insulted me. Some stupid bully would shove me in the library and say, "Hey, kid, where'd'you get those shoes? The free-store?" and I would just stare dumbly at the floor as everyone laughed at me for taking it like a sucker.

Many of you probably still have this problem.

Fortunately, I found a way out of this embarrassing situation: Generic Come-backs! That's right, folks! These zinger's can really put the Biffs, Mutts, and Lunkheads of the world in their proper place. Try them out. They're like the "sure-fire passion-stoppers" you learned about in Church Standards Nights...but different.

Here they are:
1. Show's how much you know. (This is my personal favorite...works every time)
2. That has to be the most ordinary thing I've heard all day.
3. Say's you.
4. That's funny! My little brother watches that cartoon, too!
5. Did your grandma teach you that one, chump?
6. I'd say I'm rubber and you're glue...but I want to speak on your level.
7. Poor soul. Too bad you're mother never loved you.
8. If you wanted to insult me, why didn't you make fun of my nose?
9. That would have made sense if you'd used real words!
10. That would have hurt if you didn't have so many zits.
11. So...
12. Where've I heard that before?
13. Ha! That's what the garbage man used to tell my dad!
14. Excuse me, would you like a breath mint?
15. I never told you I know karate, did I?
16. You're lucky my fist still hurts from the last kid I beat up!
17. Dork.
18. Why don't you pop that zit between your shoulders and make everyone's day.
19. Have you ever considered professional help.
20. Says your face!
21. Says your grandma!
22. Says your baby sister!
23. Says your girlfriend! (or boyfriend, if the case may be)
24. Good thing you're still in school.
25. Why don't you do the world a favor and give yourself a wedgie?
26. That toilet water must be getting to you.
27. What? Are you asking for a swirly?
28. That would have been funny if someone else had said it.
29. Saucy! Saucy! Saucy!
30. Excuse me for living!
31. That was so stupid. Try again.
32. Do you want a gold star for that one, champ?
33. That was so lame! I mean L-A-M-E with a capital exclamation point!
34. Hmm. Interesting theory.
35. How quaint.
36. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
37. Thanks for that self-esteem boost. Would you like to help me write my suicide note?
38. Thanks, Dr. Phil. I needed that.
39. Thanks, dummy. I'll be sure to pass that one along.
40. I hope that was worth the effort.
41. Would you like a tip?
42. Nope. Not good enough. Try it with a little more expression next time.
43. I can't believe you thought that would work. Crap like that never works!
44. Sorry. I'll try my best to please you next time, master.
45. Next time, just use your fist.
46. That's so lame it needs crutches.
47. My toenail's sharper that that put-down!
48. Thanks for the editorial comment. You've got real talent.
49. Remarkable. Really. Fascinating observation, Holmes.
50. Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! (heh heh) HAAAAAA!

I hope these have helped. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.